Monday, September 17, 2012
Based on an idea from Keri Smith's book "Living Out Loud", I wrote down the words that these doubting voices in my head keep speaking to me. In the book, Keri tells you to then scribble them out. The scribbling out bit felt good, even though some of the stronger voices continue to nag at me.
The loudest voice of all tells me I'm too late to carve out this creative life. I'm not encouraged when I fall in love with a textile designer's work, and discover they're only 26. "Gahhhhh, why didn't I start earlier?", I wonder to myself. I marvel at how these "youngsters"can already be brave enough to follow their passion. I wish I'd had that confidence when I was their age. I feel I have wasted time.
It came to me this morning, when the loudest voice was starting up again, that the 26 year old me was happy. OK, I wasn't designing and sewing, but I was working in an international organisation, my first proper job, meeting people from the 20 European member states, being good at providing a service, gaining experience. I don't regret my nine years in that organisation for one minute. When I left, finally listening to my heart and wanting to be more creative, I finished my interior design diploma, prepared everything to set up a business... but just wasn't ready. I wasn't mature enough business wise or even in a knowing myself way. Then I got married, and our children came along and I am so happy I stayed home with them, nurturing them, getting them off to a great start in life. So now they've both just started school, am I too late? I've been preparing for this creative life for a long time. I've done business and personal development courses. I've been practising at sewing and selling. I am happy in myself, in who I am, in how we are as a family.
It's time to tune out the loudest voice, to tell him he's not welcome in my head. To reread my words and get encouragement to just start. Just start and don't look back. Now there's a kind voice I'd like to listen to.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Long time, no post...
Our family is in a transition period with the kiddywinks both starting back at school and me wanting to get going with the business. Christmas is coming!
But I'm feeling big resistance. Huge questions. Major doubts. In me I mean, my family is really supportive.
It's so odd as I've been waiting for this moment for a long time (as well as dreading both my babies being out of the house) and now it's here, I'm feeling resistance.
A friend has told me to take my time in this change phase. So I'm listening and taking slow steps. This week I'm sorting out the studio and updating the furniture. I had coffee with a friend. I'm walking the dog. The house is lovely and tidy. I did some doodling in a sketchbook. I had a rest.
I'm waiting for the sewing machine to call me back. She will.
Are you struggling with the switch after the summer?